If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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