Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Hippo gnu deer
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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