I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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