i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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