Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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