I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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