I cannot find my penis.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
