it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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