Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
