one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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