Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
