ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
