Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
