I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
