Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
