Apparently you make a good broom.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
