some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
