i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Someone came in the potted fern
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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