i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
