I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
