I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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