put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
