go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
