so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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