Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Randomize
