she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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