at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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