I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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