I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
