You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
