: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
accomplished twins. life is a go
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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