So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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