Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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