I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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