we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
