No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
