The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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