Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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