her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
wow bdsm is so cute
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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