Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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