you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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