Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
