the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
