i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
As shirtless as possible
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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