he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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