I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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