I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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