So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
