He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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