TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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