Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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