Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
