im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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