I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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