Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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