last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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