You can't special order awesome
im holly from the hills drunk
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
