wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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